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Yesterday, i trained at troys park class.......

embarrased myself......

WHY DO I ACT DIFFERENTLY WHEN CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE AROUND ?�?????????

i got a glimpse of rachels pain

nearly made myself sick...... FUCKIN�HELL

after that, i drove to andrews and looked at his new car.........12 months ago i would have drooled all over it..... But when i was looking at it i realised, i cant enjoy this anymore, i know what its doing to the planet, i know how rediculously over powered it is, i know that if i my friend lives for a whole month after getting it hes doing well.

its just not the right thing to do........

i guess thats why im having such a hard time calling ron now........ I dont wnat to work for him anymore..... I cant lia anymore.....and im sick of people telling me "its ok, everyone does it"�well i dontwant to be like "everyone"

i loved reading that time flannery book....... I miss reading it actually, i wish i could just keep up with his most recent studies and findings......

i think its that, that inspired me to do renewable energy engineering as apposed to just mechanical.

....

laoshi sarah reminds me so much of leandra........ I cant help but think it.........

i feel so close to her...... Sarah i mean....... But i have to remember to keep myself distant.......�

iwas trying to give rachel a compliment and i feel like its just helped to distance us........ Sigh....... Whilst in cihna, i felt like i had a family that gave a shit...... Now that were back...... I realise it was all in my head.....

after my morning training yesterday, i went to the gym and trained for 2 hours..........

really over did it, i can feel it big time in my legs

i keep thinknig about laoshi amy.....

when i was training at my peak last time i felt this pull towards sparring, like i stoped caring about the forms as much as i had before........ In a way, i feel the same right now......

therse something about laoshi sarah and amy, what tey say, i take straight to heart........

..............

im sick of saying "one day" or "when were older"....... I want to start getting on with my life RIGHT�NOW
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